| waking up to see your face |
[27 Aug 2007|08:39pm] |
i got a late start to buffalo yesterday afternoon and halfway there i called my sister and announced that i expected nickolas to ride a unicycle while balancing plates to make up for the five hour drive. i figured it wasnt too much to ask.
when i finally got there, stacey and jon decided that we should go see superbad so i didn't even bother to change my nasty clothes and we trapsed down to the AMC theater and it was so buffalo and afterward we ate mcdonalds and watched a bit of the HOMECOMING concert and went to bed at 1, even though we wanted to be up by 6.
i had heard they'd be at the studio by 7:30 so we left a little after 7 and got there around 7:15. we missed the parking lot that was designated for the building the station was in, so we parked in a different one, and almost hit some bitch who had the door to her SUV open. we left a space between her and us and got out, heading over to the girls who were already waiting, who proceeded to tell us that the guys had been in the SUV we almost tore the door off of. literally, five minutes later nickolas gene carter and howard duane dorough were stepping out of the goddamn SUV and walking over to us, looking amazing.
nick hit the pavement, straightened himself up and announced, "GOOD MORNING, LADDDIEZ" like he was ready to freakin' POUNCE and it was sexy as HELL and you could tell it was gonna be a good day. JR, their piece of shit PR guy tried to rush them away, saying they'd see us upstairs but they WOULDN'T because none of us were contest winners, so howie stopped them, and i shook the mans hand, and he was so cute. everyone wanted nickolas nickolas nickolas so i went for D first, and he was sweet, and he couldnt see because of the sun, and JR the bastard took our picture for us.
i grabbed nick afterward, asked stacey to take our picture and MAN my hand was snaked around his waist and his body felt amazing, but they were rushed off into the studio, so we decided to wait for them to leave, as well. the two of them came bounding out the building a while later, by themselves, no people, and nick had a headphone in one ear and a bluetooth in the other, and for once, howie wasnt holding a cell phone, and the rushed by while nick yelled "COME TO THE MALL EVERYONE, WE DON'T WANT TO BE LATE!" so this cute tiny girl says "we'll be there" and he winked at her and made that little noise.
the mall was packed. we took a wrong turn, and ended up spotting their SUV heading into the parking lot, and they had to search around for a spot just like the rest of us. we got inside and there had to be over 100 people in line, but whatever we got at the back of line because at this point we dont care about autographs and we cant stop talking about how well it went at the station, but we do get through the line and up to them.
no one was showing any howie love, so i got up and said "HOWIE, LEMME JUST SAY, YOU LOOK AMAZING" and he got all embarassed and was like, "THANK YOOU!" and nick was flying through his signature, and he signed over KEVIN instead of HIMSELF on my backstreets back cd booklet. but thats forgiven.
we watched the rest of the signing from the side, snapping pictures of them from behind, or them looking occasionally our way. nick kept getting up and down to give hugs, and his pants kept falling lower and lower, but eventually, he realized and he yanked them up and all you heard was an entire food court yelling "AWW, BOO" and then howie is grabbing at the back of his pants and hes grabbing at the back of his pants and before he sits down he purposely pulls them down again because hes such a bastarrrd and knows exaccctly what hes doing.
watching the two of them interact was the best part, i think. nick kept whispering little words in howies ear and then suddenly he leans over and BITES D ON THE SHOULDER and howie just laughs laughs and nick is grooving to some beat hes got knocking around in his head and hes bouncing and signing and is looking happy even though his face says "IM EXHAUSTED." later, nick says something funny and howard laughs so incredibly hard, throwing his hands up in the air, tossing his head back, letting it really go, and i got the perfect shot of it, and they are so cute together i can't even hold it in.
afterward, we hit the parking lot and wave to them as they are escorted somewhere, while some bitches who work at the taco bell yell "NSYNC WE LOVE YOOU NSYNNNNC!" to which nick screams "YOU GUYS ARE REALLY FUNNY. YOU SHOULD BE COMEDIANS" because he is tired and he has to catch a plane. we figured we'd done enough stalking at that point, so we hit the IHOP and i yelled "I JUST MET NICK FUCKING CARTER" on the way in.
amazingness. i'm not sure what else to say.
insanity. childhood love. i am completely content and EXHAUSTED. ♥
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| to Absolut... |
[31 Dec 2005|08:49pm] |
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i hope your new years is absolutely stellar.
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| i've got soul |
[17 Oct 2005|07:46pm] |
love love
my dearests
drunk
man on man lovin'
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| best of me |
[16 Jul 2005|12:33pm] |
is it weird that i have a 24-hour stomach ache? every day, all day. i think im more high strung and anxious than i would ever like to admit.
i dont want to go to work; that only makes it worse. much worse. =(.
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| nice day for a white wedding |
[07 Jun 2005|11:38pm] |
my big brother, my favorite big brother, is marrying his romanian girlfriend. someone finally managed to make him calm down, someone is finally strong enough to handle his bullshit. shes a tough girl, this one, shes going to keep him in line, i can see it already.
i get to be a bridesmaid in new york, and then again in romania. by spring of next year i will have a sister-in-law and my brother will be a responsible adult with a family. it is amazing, really.
good news for the peterson family, who, as of late, seems to only be the recipients of bad. smile down on us...smile away.
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| is the right time |
[06 May 2005|08:13am] |
i'm taking basic italian, astonomy, world civ, and american authors 1. i think thats it? i dont really remember. predictable freshman stuff.
my advisor was nice, the lit AP was ugly, and work was boring and gay. tomorrow i get paid lots of money, my sister is coming home for the weekend for the last time before the move to GA, and my hair is shorter than its been since july. my nose is stuffy, and puffs plus lotion is the most amazing thing ive ever felt.
i want candy and water. i need to shower, again. ER is new tonight. ive got gym tomorrow. i owe money. everyone is sick of everyone. huh.
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| sing me a song |
[10 Apr 2005|05:33pm] |
its my birrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrthday! it is my 18TH BIRTHDAY!
carly and i went shopping which was quite successful, and we saw fever pitch and i fell in love with jimmy fallon all over again. we went to friendlys for drunch, but i got a little sick so daddy escorted me back home, but im feeling better now. its gorgeous out and i couldnt have asked for a more beautiful day.
ice cream cake soon enough and good tv and i <3 huckabees on dvd. april is a damn fine month.
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| i just cant look |
[06 Apr 2005|08:14am] |
my uncle finally succeeded today in drinking himself to death. he went into the hospital because he was short of breath, and a while later, they say, his heart just...split open. how abrupt.
this is going to be one hell of a week. cheryl wont forget this birthday anytime soon.
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| i wish you were |
[25 Mar 2005|03:36pm] |
just when you wonder why you're here and if you'll ever get out, you get a letter from the university of your choice saying that based on your intelligence and contribution, you are worth 12,000 dollars.
twelve thousand dollars. TWELVE THOUSAND DOLLARS! that puts the tiny rural town of selinsgrove, pennsylvania in the running for places i can spend my next for years. susquehanna, you never seize to amaze me.
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| a time to every purpose |
[16 Mar 2005|02:58pm] |
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I GOT ACCEPTED TO SUSQUEHANNA UNIVERSITY, BITCHES! I AM THE QUEEN OF THE UNIVERSE!
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| waiting silently |
[14 Feb 2005|03:18pm] |
suddenly, little kingston is famous for (what else?) violence. we all should of seen this one coming; it was a matter of time before some nut job decided he wanted to give this ghetto little place some real big, bad controversy.
you know, its funny how i say that nothing ever happens to me. ive been jumped and robbed, in a life-threatening car accident, involved in a shooting in a public place...lots of things have happened to me. yet, i know that i will continue to say that i have lived a less than average and completely uneventful life. i wonder why that is.
i guess i feel like, every day has a plan and yesterdays plan was just to have this insane thing happen. like we all should have expected it. like that was how the day has been planned out for years and it just happened like it was supposed to. i got up from my seat in the breakroom, asked about the commotion, and then sat back down again and continued to eat my lunch. like, oh, well, that was in the itinerary; didnt you guys get a copy? it says "shooting" right underneath "put up with incompetent management at work." all the same on the itinerary, folks. just another line of data.
if you expect your life to be average, that is what its going to be no matter what happens to you. anything can become bland and uninteresting if you want it to.
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| time to make a change |
[06 Feb 2005|05:38pm] |
i got accepted to UB. =) finally, someone other than purchase wants me. i was worried, for a minute.
now i just have to perfect my portfolio for Susquehanna, and do Towson, and everything will be perfect and they will be fighting over me and i will have my choice of any of the schools i have applied to. god, dont i wish.
things arent so lame, today.
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| maybe one day, i will free her. |
[31 Jan 2005|06:09pm] |
my mom thought that it was a good idea to bring bronchitis on her family holiday. needless to say, more than half of us were infected, although i was not part of that population. unfortunately, carly and ry had to suffer from it. it made fun having difficult. despite teh hurdles and cliche family vacation disasters we encountered, i managed to have fun and get back to my lame, childhood roots.
i rode the rock 'n rollercoaster twice and all of the other mandatory awesome rides that disney has to offer. i got to stay in a resort inside the park as well, in a lovely room, so i am not complaining. i was in a place that wasnt kingston for almost a week, so right there, something has to be right.
my final semester started today. i now have first and second period open every day, which means i can sleep in an extra 2 hours and wake up at my leisure. stout gave me late sign-in without any trouble and i am ready for a relatively quiet and hassle-free last five months. once i am accepted somewhere, life is going to be easy and free and im anticipating that.
the other day was shawns last shift in target and im going to miss him more than i should. we were never the closest but i love him to pieces and he promised he would be back all the time, because, who could stay away? kirstene deserted me also, leaving the front end to be plano team lead or some such thing. tiff is the only one left who is any kind of a human and i think that if i have to endure more of eric, i will have to leave. it seems like everyone is bothered by him, but there is nothing that any of us can do. on top of the suffocating red, we have to deal with eric's high-pitched and obnoxious team spirit. i dont think i can take that in stride for too long; there is only so much one person can take.
im finally ready to leave,anyhow, i think and if that wasnt a long time coming. im gonna let go of it. i am. im holding onto this idea that it could be like it was, but it never will be. the magic disappeared and we all faded away. circles expand and contract and people float on a whim and i realize now that its time to float somewhere else. im the only person who is having trouble with this and maybe its time that i stop.
royer suggests shopping my stories around as a way to help pay for college. who would want them, was all i had to say to that. i remember that i need to submit to reason and rhyme though, which is a step in the right direction. i dont know. its all very mundane. very ordinary.
i am ordinary in every way. i am ordinary. i am ordinary. i am terribly discontent.
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| the words of the prophet. |
[27 Dec 2004|10:58am] |
christmas ball last night and actual christmas the night before that. my dad got me a bunch of bush bashing books and he made me mixed cds. i am the only one he made an effort for. everyone else my mother handled, but my dad went out of his way christmas eve to pick me up America: the book and Bushworld and he spent his time making cds that are broken down by month. the core five years of the sixties that had good music is now on six cds such as january/february and september/october. right now we are playing the first installment, and its sounding quite good.
my dad and i are too alike for our own good, i think.
if my application to UGA is postmarked by january 1st, they will consider me for paying in-state tuition instead of out-of-state tuition, and its a 20,000 dollar difference. if i am accepted for this scholarship, it is very likely that i will be heading south, and will begin my crusade to be a southern belle. if i get this, i will need to start starving. new yorkers have a tough time down there, let alone being a fat new yorker. its time to get out of this body anyway; christmas ball made that apparent.
i need to do my other applications as well. im still holding out for susquehanna. maybe they'll want me enough to give me money; who knows. that would be beautious. i want to know where im going already, so i can give a sigh of relief and get to living my senior year. new years will be a step in the right direction. we are going to get drunk and reminisce. it should be lovely.
i got accepted to suny purchase, my safety school. yay for me. =)
i bought myself the fake birenstocks from target yesterday and my brother bought me a lovely purse. the giant mossimo bag i want is half off and its brown which will go perfectly with the fuzzy brown boots my sister got me. she also got me the perfect sweater that i wanted. my siblings are really on the ball with this stuff.
break will be too short. disney is next month. my high school career is terrifyingly close to wrapping up. i dont think im ready.
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| forever, your lamp will burn. |
[11 Dec 2004|11:48am] |
i think i realized what i love about christmas. although my family is disfunctional and messy and unorganized and our tree could give you an epoleptic seizure, it all comes down to that perfect moment.
my dad is laying on the couch and my mom is sitting in the (broken) big red chair and she is reading from the bible and i can hear her begin, "in those days..." and the presents are begging to be opened. ry is half asleep on his mommas or mine or carlys lap, and my big brother is lounging like a smart ass, still angry that we woke him at such a horrific hour. my mother finishes her biblical tale and she lets us tear in and i know half of what i got because no one likes to shop. we laugh about stupid stuff and help the baby open his things (his pile is the biggest, of course) and all he wants to do is play with the paper and pull ornaments off the tree. my mom is wrapped in twelve million robes, dads in sweatpants and neither of them are really concerned with what they got, but more with if we like what we got. i sit on the floor and revel in the fact that no matter what, every year, i can count on this.
with so much changing, its nice to know that wherever i end up next year, i can come home to the same exact scene, the same god awful tree, the same bible story, the same mother in the same robe, the same father in the same sweatpants, and the same holiday atmosphere. plates of cookies, late night present wrapping sessions, and a scrooge movie taped from the television in 1985.
thats why i love christmas. i'd almost forgotten.
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[11 Nov 2004|07:44pm] |
things that make target gay: the new ETLGS is calling black friday "bullseye friday" and is trying to force everyone into liking it. she types up lots of notices. LOTS of notices. she has no idea what shes doing. the new storewide LOD has a huge ass and needs to lean on a cart to walk around. they are making express lanes (that itself is awesome) but are putting up ghetto cardboard signs, badly, and making us look kind of dirty. the front end is full of high school drop-outs.
maybe i am just a big, stinky complainer but i think i will take toris advice and try to lay as low as possible. i am no longer interested in being friends with anyone there. i am about to take on my elitist bitch persona and wear it well. that will show you, stupid blonde memo biotch who thinks she is so cute. bullseye friday, my butt.
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| wont you come out to play? |
[09 Nov 2004|08:20pm] |
new guy scott is definitely hitting on me, now. again today he asked me for my number and i managed to wriggle out of it. i just dont feel comfortable with that. when i went on my 15 he like, wanted me to hug him and he snapped his fingers at me so i left because NO ONE snaps their fingers at me and gets what they want. i tried to shake it off. its not that hes not a nice kid, its just that im not attracted to him. at all. like, not even a little. im definitely not down with it.
its nice to feel like someone is interested in you, but quickly it wears off if you're not interested in them. ive just...learned my lesson with all that. i know full well what happens when you mess with the target gods and i only have a few more months before im free. i dont want to mess up my karma now - i havent been bothered in a while and id like to keep it that way.
...i think jeff heard scott and i talking on saturday and im almost positive he heard scott ask for my number. that is not something i want. i dont need rumors about me, and he is one of the worst people to have that kind of information. i havent even mentioned it to dee, yet, and i dont plan on it. i dont need her all over me, and everyone else all over me, because theres nothing to be all over me about.
stacey suggested it may make him jealous. i suggested it more than likely made him have a stroke of evil genius. jealous i wouldnt mind, evil genius i dread. its been a year since it all went down and i dont feel like making drama an annual thing. i have been relatively drama-free since april and god knows i'd like that to continue.
i am pulling into my shell for the rest of my time. by the time i hit the college circuit, i'll have so much energy that i'll be bursting at the seams.
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| all you did was Yesterday. |
[08 Nov 2004|03:06pm] |
um. i think i was hit on at work, by a 21 year old team member? hes relatively new. scott. nice kid. called my register on saturday night and said "hey cutie?" cant decide if i am creeped out. i think he asked for my number? i am 17. he may be 20 or 21. most instincts point to creepy. if i were 19, but i am not. i dont think of him like that, anyway.
sometimes i think im better off by myself, anyway. im used to it, it works for me. for having such a phobia of doing things alone, earlier, i have emerged relatively independent. maybe i am just preparing for the long, empty life ahead. i am going to go through life like this and for some reason i cant force myself to be scared of the thought. some people are meant to be alone; maybe i am one of them.
American Dreams makes me want to live in a generation of change. my mother, my father, they experienced it and didnt appreciate it. all i want in my life is to be part of something that is bigger, something that will go down and be known as history, as something amazing and uplifting. i would have marched on washington. i would have driven across country in a van. i would have slept three days in the mud, eating next to nothing so i could be part of the peace, part of the make-shift community. i would have done all that. my generation is too jaded, too self-important, too stupid to understand. sometimes i think my soul is decades older than i will ever know. its frustrating, when no one can understand. how do you incite rebellione when no one has the compassion to change the world? how do you make people understand that they dont have to just settle for what is set in front of them? how can one person change the world.
ive stopped caring what people think of me. the world could be so perfect, you know.
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| we all want to change the world. |
[03 Nov 2004|05:48pm] |
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mood |
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terrible, deflated |
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music |
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John Lennon - "Imagine" |
] |
the rampade ignorance that fuels this country, runs this country, decides for this country, is too much for me to handle. sometimes i wish i were just as ignorant as the rest of them, so i didnt realize the mistakes that are being made and the consequences that are subsiquently forced on the american people who didnt vote for those mistakes. we are allowing stupidity and pride to make a bed, and then holding a gun to our head and forcing us to lie in it.
i refuse to go quietly.
im not surprised by today's outcome, in fact, deep down i knew it all along. i knew that the majority of people would base their decision for leader of the free world on one issue, one instance, one event. i knew that they were going to be mis-informed and in turn, make a mis-informed decision. i knew that the vast population were just willing to accept mediocrity as their ruler. our leader, the man who is supposed to bring home and unite a divided country, is nothing special. hes an old man from texas who grew up shooting things and drinking beer. somehow, he was allowed to come this far, and the entire country has and will pay for it. they have allowed someone who was a C student, and trouble-maker, into their highest office and whether they will admit it or not, things will get increasingly worse.
how naive i had been, i see it now. i had faith in my country, in my democracy, i believed that the voices would be heard. i believed that we could change things within the system, i believed that things would actually change. i believed that people would rally for what they believed in, i believed they would yell louder than those who sat luxuriously in their seats of power. i believed in something that i realize is not worth my time. i believed the antiquated notion that one person can change the world if they work at it, i believed that the underdog could win. i believed that this election would be honest, even though the last one was not. i believed that the man who will sleep soundly tonight, surrounded by his droves of ass-kissers, would actually be an adult about something. i believed that truth and real, old fashioned politics could win over a slimy texas in-bread with a silver spoon in his mouth. how wrong i had been. how deceived, i was.
there is a winner in this mess, though, i have to say. it isnt me, and it isnt the american people...its the man who stood at his podium today and realized that what the nation needed was a leader now. he realized that ohio could have been dragged out, just as florida had been, and he realized that he wasnt a sore loser. he realized that he had fought the good fight, done his hardest, but was no match for big business and a man backed with daddys money. he realized that the kind of politics he practiced were too dignified for a democracy such as this and rather than divide the country he once fought for, the country he loved, he did what he could to patch the rift. with an air of dignity, he handed the reigns of the land over to someone who he knew was not capable. he did it like a true gentleman, knowing that given the circumstances, beating a dead horse was something the people he loved in the country he wished to help, did not need. i will always respect him for that. he may be the last of a dying breed. he may be the last we will see, and this country turned him away.
i am disenfranchised and deflated. i am ready to pack up and move, ready to abandon the country that seems to have abandoned me. my future has just been directed effected and there is not a damn thing i can do to stop it. all i have is my voice, my opinion, my mind. sometimes it feels like i am the only intelligent, free-thinking person in a heard of sheep who only know one word: bush. how i am the minority in an issue that seems so clear, crystal clear, is a mystery to me. sometimes i wish i could flee from my post and join the flock, bahing my lines along with the others. after a day like today, my intelligence is my downfall, my voice, an enemy.
now i just pray for the fate of the world. i hope that we come through the dark, shining on the other side. its no ones responsibility but our own. we did this to ourselves, now we have to survive it. we are past the point of aid - kill or be killed. i now how to endure rule from a man i did not elect. i am now directly effected by a man who cant swallow a pretzel, let alone deligate important foreign affairs. i am now a hostage of ignorance, of stupidity. i am now a prisoner in the free-est country in the world. i am now bound by freedoms i have yet to enjoy, freedoms i could very well lose.
now i need to keep fighting. i will not go quietly.
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| they dont like him, the fool... |
[31 Oct 2004|07:15pm] |
my computer is quasi-fixed, a shell of its former self. much is needed to be done, but i think i may take my good sweet time.
headless horseman tonight at 8:30. jill wants jeff and me to pick up her friend jen. imagine this. on a line, jens house is completely far left. my house is in the middle, and headless horseman is completely far right. why would we go from my house, to the left, then all the way back to the right. oh, thats right, we wouldnt. im not picking up jen; shes jills friend, not mine. and jill doesnt really even like her.
people at target are gay. i am the lastest gossip, supposedly. there is a new kid, jake, and because i talked to him today (GASP, i know) it is now people who dont have lives' mission to hook us up. jake is not my type. he is small and skinny and short and kind of dorky. that is not my type. i dont even know him; i think he might be a high school drop-out? im not down with that.
get out of my business people, get your own life, or realize that the world does not balance on a target axis. TARGET IS JUST A JOB. <-- something that took me a year to figure out. hmm.
halloween is fun. i got angel wings. daddy bought us samis buffalo chicken pizza. theres lotsss of candy. its been a long month.
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